At some point in life, as our mortality becomes real to us, we might question whether life has any meaning or purpose. Many of us feel scared of this possible lack of meaning in a universe that makes us feel so small. We get to feeling like our little personal lives are so important, with all our interpersonal conflicts, likes and dislikes, daily responsibilities...and then once in a while we have to wonder...is it even worth the effort? What's the point? Why should I try to do or be better when we all just die anyway?
This thinking can strike us at any time in life. It can feel random, but it is likely to come during important developmental growth spurts. It can also be sparked by such life transitions as births, deaths, marriage, midlife crisis, divorce, or loss of employment. It can also come when a life-threatening experience happens to us or to a loved one.
Some people tend to avoid considering their mortality. Some aren't really bothered when they have such thoughts, and some have initial anxiety but come to accept their mortality with little worry. Some people can look at their life and feel a sense of pride, comfort, or self-actualization (they've done enough things they feel are meaningful). But for some folks, it can be overwhelming, and they can become plagued by anxiety, fear, and feelings of depression.
Psychology buffs will recognize that this type of anxiety, panic, or crisis is one result of cognitive dissonance--originally defined as the feelings of discomfort caused by having two seemingly conflicting ideas at the same time. This theory says we tend to change our beliefs, actions, and attitudes to reduce our internal conflict.
As we grow up, our brains cause us to question the world around us, and seek understandings that make sense and feel safe. We act how we think we "should" based on our knowledge and experience. As we age and mature, it often becomes clear how much we don't know, and how much in this big world makes no rational sense. Many people feel uncomfortable with or scared by paradoxes or the unknown, and they behave in various ways to avoid that discomfort. All kinds of irrational beliefs about ourselves and the world spring up from that fear--from trying to survive a life of unknowns.
When we feel fear or discomfort of any kind, we tend to look for ways to feel better--and sometimes we think and behave in unhealthy or imbalanced ways because our fear triggers our defense mechanisms. We're human, and wired for survival, after all. Our brains have the blessing (and the curse) of being able to quickly find ways out of situations that feel scary or threatening.
Some of us emotionally shut down or become avoidant. We can become overly absorbed in work, exercise, family, television and electronic media, and some resort to substance use, comfort eating, and other addictions...anything to temporarily relieve our mental and emotional pressure. Other folks become aggressive or passive/aggressive, grasping for a sense of control. We might try to make ourselves feel better by blaming others, or by justifying our own negative behavior--projecting our suffering and anger onto our "enemies", or onto bad situations that we see as out of our own control. By doing so, we avoid having to take responsibility for our feelings. It's so easy to avoid our own discomfort by focusing on everyone and everything else but ourselves!
Here's a thought. Next time you find yourself annoyed by someone who seems to be acting like a jerk (for instance, road raging or yelling at a stranger for bumping into them), instead of letting it upset you, you could try an experiment: Get curious. Ask yourself "What is this person afraid of right now?". It takes a little guts and a little self control to stop and do this. But in doing so, you might find a little space to notice that "that jerk" is only using their defense mechanisms--they're doing the only thing their brain knows to do in that moment to survive. They are probably caught up in their own dramas or crises and not coping very well. Bringing awareness to this may remind you that we ALL behave badly sometimes, and that by letting someone else's behavior or negative energy upset us, we're only spinning our own wheel of suffering...so we may as well not sweat it.
According to good ol' WikiPedia, an existential crisis may arise in the first place for a number of reasons, including but not limited to:
So maybe, if we can realize that we're all in the same boat, and that (either consciously or unconsciously) we're all just doing what our brains have learned to do to make it through this world, we can choose to give ourselves and each other a break. It's quite possible that your partner, family member,friend, neighbor, boss, or that jerky stranger--is dealing with their own stuff, just like you probably are or have at some point, and probably will again.
Forgiveness and compassion are two of the most important coping skills (and arguably the two most important traits in healthy communities). Practicing these two behaviors will help you deal with YOUR stuff, while helping you cope with other people (especially difficult ones) and THEIR stuff. Now, I'm not condoning anyone's abusive behavior or implying that anyone should be a doormat...I'm just saying that forgiveness and compassion for ourselves and others leaves room for growth and hope for change. We obviously should not stay in any situation that is ACTUALLY threatening!
As far as how to cope with existential crisis itself? That's up to you. Existentialism says you get to define your own life's meaning, and that you must choose to resolve "the crisis of existence". If that helps you get to where you'd like to be, great. Or, consider learning how to feel more balanced in yourself, learning to be more emotionally present with the people you care about, and choosing to do your part (whatever that is) to lessen the suffering of yourself and other beings in the world. From this moment, you get to define your own meaning and purpose, and choose how you want to react, feel, and behave in the world. And guess what? Starting where you are right now in this moment, today, is good enough.
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